The New Jew: A Field Guide

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pp. 1092-1093

Marriage Service

Seder Kiddushin VeNissuin

סדר קידושין ונישואין

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סדר קידושין ונישואין

MARRIAGE SERVICE

ברכות האירוסין

BLESSINGS OF BETROTHAL

The Rabbi performing the ceremony takes a cup of wine and says:

Hebrew

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן.

Sephardi

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam, borei peri hagafen.

English

Blessed are You, LORD our God, King of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.

Hebrew

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו, וְצִוָּנוּ עַל
הָעֲרָיוֹת, וְאָסַר לָנוּ אֶת הָאֲרוּסוֹת, וְהִתִּיר לָנוּ אֶת הַנְּשׂוּאוֹת לָנוּ עַל־יְדֵי
חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, מְקַדֵּשׁ עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל עַל־יְדֵי חֻפָּה וְקִדּוּשִׁין.

Sephardi

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav, vetzivanu al
ha'arayot, ve'asar lanu et ha'arusot, vehitir lanu et hanesuot lanu al-yedei
chuppah vekiddushin. Baruch atah Adonai, mekadesh amo Yisrael al-yedei chuppah vekiddushin.

English

Blessed are You, LORD our God, King of the Universe, who has made us holy through His commandments, and has commanded us concerning forbidden unions, forbidding us those who are betrothed, permitting us those who are wedded to us through the rite of the canopy and sacred covenant of marriage. Blessed are You, LORD, who sanctifies His people Israel by the rite of the canopy and sacred covenant of marriage.

The bride and bridegroom both drink from the wine. The bridegroom takes the ring and, holding it ready to be placed on the forefinger of the bride’s right hand, says:

Hebrew

הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בְּטַבַּעַת זוֹ כְּדַת מֹשֶׁה וְיִשְׂרָאֵל.

Sephardi

Harei at mekudeshet li betaba'at zo kedat Moshe veYisrael.

English

Behold you are consecrated to me by this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and of Israel.

He then places the ring on the forefinger of the bride’s right hand. The Ketuba is read and the bridegroom hands it to the bride. A second cup of wine is taken, and over it, the Sheva Berakhot on the next page are said; the same person should preferably say the first two.

Commentary

MARRIAGE SERVICE …

“The LORD God said: It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a partner suited to him … That is why a man leaves his father and mother and attaches himself to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:18, 2:24). Marriage is one of the supreme institutions of Judaism, the first mentioned in the Bible, and the one spoken of by the prophets in their deepest moments as the most compelling metaphor for God’s relationship with His people. In marriage, the bridegroom and bride pledge themselves to one another in a bond of loyalty and love, each respecting the integrity of the other while joining their destinies to achieve together what neither could achieve alone. The very word hayyim, “life,” in Hebrew is plural, as if to suggest that life, at its fullest, is to be shared. Marriage is the moralization of passion, love translated into a covenant of mutual responsibility through which, by sharing our vulnerabilities, we redeem our solitude and discover strength.

בָּרוּךְ Blessed are You: Marriage originally took the form of two distinct moments. The first, Erusin or Kiddushin, “betrothal,” joined the couple in a mutual pledge. Bride and groom then returned to their respective families. A year or so later, the bride would be brought under the bridal canopy to the groom and they would begin their life together. This was called Nissu’in, and was accompanied by its own blessings. During the upheavals of Jewish life in the early Middle Ages, the two ceremonies were brought together. Each involves blessings said over a cup of wine, and nowadays they are separated by the reading of the marriage contract (Ketuba). The betrothal blessing spells out the fact that both ceremonies must be observed for the marriage to be complete.

הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי Behold you are consecrated to me: The declaration accompanying the giving of the ring by the groom to the bride. The use of the word “consecration” in the context of marriage signals the sacred nature of the bond between the partners. כְּדַת מֹשֶׁה וְיִשְׂרָאֵל The law of Moses and of Israel: the bridegroom undertakes to honor his obligations according to both biblical (Moses) and rabbinic (Israel) law.

THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT …

Read in its original Aramaic, it spells out the duty of a Jewish husband to his wife, to “work for, honor, support and maintain” her, and to meet all financial obligations arising out of the marriage. The Ketuba dates back more than two thousand years, and was intended to secure the bride’s legal rights within the marriage. It is made binding by the bridegroom raising an object, usually a handkerchief, in the presence of two witnesses. These witnesses sign the document, which is also usually signed by the bridegroom.