Finding a Rabbi

Summary. The Mishnah (Pirkei Avot 1:6) instructs: “Make for yourself a rabbi (aseh lecha rav).” A rabbi is the New Jew’s halachic decisor, the answer to questions that books cannot settle, and the relationship through which a person grows into the community. Finding a rabbi is not difficult: attend a shul, request a meeting, and ask. Most rabbis are accustomed to and delighted by ba’alei teshuva and converts.

The Mishnah’s injunction—aseh lecha rav uk’neh lecha chaver—“make for yourself a rabbi and acquire for yourself a friend” (Pirkei Avot 1:6) is the foundational text for the rabbi-congregant relationship. The principle has structural force in Halacha: every Jew should have a posek, a rabbi whose halachic rulings are binding on them. Where the books disagree, where the cases are unclear, where the situation requires judgment—the posek decides.

How to Choose

Attend a shul for several weeks before approaching the rabbi. The fit between rabbi and New Jew is partly substantive (denomination, hashkafa, approach to ba’alei teshuva) and partly chemistry. Email the rabbi after the third visit, ask for a fifteen-minute meeting, and tell your story honestly. The rabbi will tell you what next steps make sense.

What to Ask

What is your hashkafa (worldview)—Modern Orthodox, Haredi, Conservative, Reform, etc.?

Do you have experience working with ba’alei teshuva or converts?

If I have a halachic question between visits, may I email or text you?

Do you have a chevruta (study-partner) program for someone at my level?

Are there families in the kehilla (community) who host Shabbat meals for newcomers?

What Not to Expect

Do not expect every rabbi to be a polished pastoral figure with infinite time. Most rabbis are managing a community, a school, a building, and a family, all simultaneously. Be patient. Be specific. Send concise emails. And be willing to be referred—your first rabbi may not be your forever rabbi, and that is normal.

Where Denominations Diverge

Orthodox rabbis hold smicha (ordination) from a yeshiva or a major posek; Conservative rabbis are ordained by the Jewish Theological Seminary (JTS) or Ziegler School; Reform rabbis by Hebrew Union College (HUC); Reconstructionist rabbis by Reconstructing Judaism. Each ordination certifies particular competencies; the role of a rabbi in your life depends partly on the denomination. In Orthodox practice, the posek’s rulings are binding; in Reform practice, the rabbi’s role is more advisory and pastoral.

Sources

Mishnah, Pirkei Avot 1:6—aseh lecha rav.

Talmud Bavli, Avodah Zarah 19a—on learning oral tradition from a single primary teacher, though the same passage teaches that legal reasoning benefits from studying under multiple teachers.

Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 242—on the honor due one’s teacher.

The Difference Between a Rabbi and a Rav — Chabad.org.

What Is A Rabbi? — Aish.

Further Reading

Joseph Telushkin, The Book of Jewish Values—for the broader ethic of teacher-student relationships.

Norman Lamm, Torah Umadda—for the Modern Orthodox vision of rabbinic education.